“MR_eatda_PUSSAY” by Justin Valdivia

After a lot of searching around on the internet, I’ve found a new spiritual leader and I’ve bookmarked him on my browser. I’ve been following him on Twitter ever since my dad killed himself back in May, and his spiritual messages have been changing my life and the way I the way I look at the world.
I used to chant Nam Myoho Renge Kyo and read daily self-help books. I even used to pray and meditate and take a daily personal inventory.
Now I’m a disciple and follower of MR_eatda_PUSSAY
That’s Capital “M,”Capital “R,” underscore, lowercase, e-a-t-d-a, underscore, then all caps P-U-S-S-A-Y
It was nothing short of miraculous that I found Mr. EatDaPussay.
I went to the Getty a couple of Saturdays ago with one of my oldest using buddies, Jeremy Pagan, who is now a Christian. Jeremy was too busy with his three kids to hang with me, so it was me and Steven, his little brother, who hung out.
Steven and I fucked around all afternoon in the Getty, laughing at the different depictions of the Crucifixion and making tallies of the variety of sculpted penises in the museum. In one of the salons, we counted 27 different dicks, not including the sculpture on the veranda we called “Man with Dong on Horse with Dong.”
That night I Googled Steven to friend him on Facebook.
The only Steven Pagan I found was on Twitter, AKA, Mr. EatDaPussay.
That’s when my life changed. Forever.
These are some key phrases that have pulled me through some rough times over the past few weeks:

Fuck You, LOL
I need some head.
Just took a shower.
Who tryna buy me some new earrings
Walmart
bored as hell and hungry
who sellin an ipod?

My friend and I set up a twitter account called the BeanerBrothers, which is supposed to be random observations of life from the brown man’s perspective. We are the only two people who follow it.
Mr. EatDa Pussay, on the other hand, has 2,354 followers, proselytizing to the WWW with
I need weed
Get the fuck out my face
I got dubs
Who tryna buy these dubs
who needs a dub, holla?

You’d be surprised by how just one of these tweet proverbs can turn a bad day around
Bout to Get some Pizza
Need to walk to the store real quick
I’m So high
It’s so crazy how fucked up I get LOL
shower was great
Fuck y’all, goodnight
Holla

Justin Valdivia

L. K. Thayer’s Foto Fetish

© 2010